Parenting 411: Preparing Yourself for the College Transition

As baby boomers prepare to watch the last of their children leave the nest, recent research has shed some light on possible ways to manage this transition in a healthy, positive manner. To begin this transformation on the right foot, there are a few foundational precepts you should keep in mind:

1. Don’t make the common mistake of underestimating this major life change; even if you’ve always been one of those parents who couldn’t wait.

2. Expect torrential waves of ambivalence. This is normal and to be expected. Just keep repeating, ‘this too will pass.’ The midlife emotional rollercoaster is by nature, temporary.

3. Like any other change in your life, this one is filled with opportunity for growth and personal challenge. Take advantage of the inherent potential in this experience.
Experts tell us that those of us who have healthy, satisfied marital relationships will weather this transition easier. This, of course, is another reason to start investing more time with your spouse, and making sure you don't lose sight of each. Its not surprising, that too many couples lose sight of each other during this period.

A good indicator of how well you will handle yourself is how you’ve handled prior life changes. Those of you who seriously considered Valium when you had to drop off Junior at preschool for the first time might want to start seriously flexing your adaptability muscles. Life demands a lot from us parents and the art of flexibility can not be underestimated. Practice now with the small stuff; don’t wait for the really traumatic events to test your limits.

In a recent survey of empty-nesters, it was reported that those parents who felt pretty secure about their son or daughter’s ability to handle life on their own fared better than those who were struggling with anxiety or doubts. This is one of the best reasons to go ahead and do less for your teenager; even when they are begging and fighting to have you remain the doting parent you’ve been. Stepping back slowly and consistently as your child ages and matures is a good way to enhance their ability to stand on their own and an even better way for you to feel secure when they fly off.

Last but not least, those of us who maintain a few diverse identity roles, while also committed to good parenting, will be less apt to fall apart when we find ourselves home alone. Volunteer, take up a hobby, and spend quality time with your partner. Our own sense of self and feelings of self-worth should come from a diversified foundation; not a complete immersion in one major role as a parent. There is good news to look forward to - statistics also tell us that most marriages report an improvement in intimacy and connectedness after the nest empties. So, start rejoicing and not lamenting!

Barbara Rhode is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists. She is the President of Transitions and You, and and author of “Blast Off: Preparing your Child for College and Beyond.” She travels the country giving parenting workshops. For more parenting tips, visit http://www.youtube.com/user/Parents911, or http://transitioningparents.blogspot.com/