Staying Involved Without Hovering

As your child leaves for college parents must learn a new balance in their parenting. Parents need to remain involved in their student’s life while they are in college, but there reaches a point that their young adult needs to start taking responsibility and making their own decisions. This is all part of growing up.

With mobile phones, text messaging, email, instant messaging, FedEx, and all the rest of technology that is available today, it’s extremely easy for parents to stay in touch with their college student. But, when is it too much? Parents need to realize is that a major part of college is the student learning to deal with life issues on their own.

As a parent, now is the time to step back and let your child step forward and practice what you have been teaching them all along. Read this article to explore ways to manage the new parenting boundaries with college-aged children.

Unfortunately, when your son or daughter first heads off to college, they will run into problems starting from the beginning. They might not like the roommate they have, may not get along with their resident advisor, or may not like the classes they’re taking.

In many cases the first thing they will do is call mom or dad. But before you call the school and take care of this...you may want to think twice.  Parents are urged to be there as a listener and listen to the dilemma. But then, ask them what they plan on doing about this. Discuss what their options are and encourage them to take care of the problem without you stepping in.

Parents should not deny their child this experience. Let them feel good about handling the issue. Only get involved if it is dangerous or something that truly involves a parent.

Avoid multiple phone calls during the day. 

Try to establish times to talk, maybe once a week. Use phone conversations to catch up with everything that has happened. It may be 15, 20, or 30 minutes. The point is, you are not there constantly hovering over your new college student. Let them know that if they need to talk, you are available. But if it is not an emergency, try to talk only at your pre-appointed time.

Encourage your child to seek available resources at school

Send your student to their advisors for the academic advice that they need. Other resources include student affairs, career centers, medical clinics and other counseling centers. Your student should be familiar with the resources available to them as a college student.

Encourage your child to get involved

Throughout their college years, your child should engage in their college’s ongoing student activities. You can also suggest that they volunteer for charitable activities. Healthy activities help to combat some of the loneliness your new college student child may feel when they first go to college. And, it’s a perfect opportunity for them to meet a diverse group of friends.

Let them be in charge of their own finances

Credit cards are disasters waiting to happen – and they will be inundated with credit card offers on campus and through the mail. How can we expect a college student to manage finances without getting into credit trouble? Education is key.  Teach your child about responsible financial decisions.  Work with them on a budget and do not give ANY additional money, unless there really is an emergency. This gets your child in the rhythm of budgeting and will teach them how to become more independent.

Remember, as a parent that wants the best for their child, you should be involved in your student’s life. But your parenting will need to be different. When you “hover” over your child you build a barrier between you and your college student. You give them the message that they cannot do anything on their own without their mother and father.

So, step outside your comfort zone. Let the student experience success. They may have to experience some failures along the way to experience their success - but let them own it. As a parent, your reward will be watching them become successful adults.

Sources:
About.com: Parenting Your Adult Children