A Whole New World

How is college different than high school?

College students are accountable for their own actions and decisions, including unpaid parking tickets and missed homework assignments. Bells will not ring to let students know that it is time for them to go to their next class. Rarely will a professor remind students of upcoming assignments or take roll in class.  College students may also experience a greater amount of freedom than in high school, which may encourage greater distractions. Encourage your student to be responsible for his/her education.

How is the community college different from Cal Poly Pomona?

The community college offers a considerable amount of flexibility with policies and deadlines. At CPP, students are expected to take responsibility for their own education and for knowing and following all rules and policies. Also, community college advisors offer a lot of direct instruction/advising and clearly outline what courses a student should take during the next term.

In contrast, most academic advisors at CPP are full time professors with the goal to teach students problem solving and critical thinking rather than giving them all the answers. It is expected that your student do his/her “homework” to keep track of all coursework before an advising appointment (including reviewing the major requirements curriculum sheet and road maps).

Parenting during the College Years

A student’s entrance into CPP begins a significant transitional period for  both the student and family members. Parents and students may experience a mix of emotions. Both may feel proud, excited, relieved and happy and may also experience the more difficult feelings of sadness and worry. Both parents and students face challenges as they navigate this new phase of life. As a parent, family member or guardian, understanding the concerns that students typically have as they enter college can be helpful in supporting them through the process.

Students have to figure out a lot of stuff when they start college. First-year students are leaving behind a familiar and comfortable environment, and must cope with the loss of their high school years, friends, family time, etc. They have to learn how to be a part of a whole new environment and figure out where things are, what the rules are and how to behave.

Students confront all kinds of new opportunities to make friends, and most have at least some fear that they won’t fit in or make connections with their peers. They have to figure out how to manage a lot of different responsibilities: time, money, academics, freedom and most importantly themselves.

Further, they try to figure all this out without your constant presence and active guidance.  Even the most “together” students find the developmental maturation process that happens in the early college years to be stressful. Many students become periodically overwhelmed, especially in the first couple of quarters.

So how can you help?

One of the greatest challenges parents and guardians face is how to appropriately support their son or daughter as they enter college.  Here are some suggestions from veteran parents:

• Assume an advisor role & encourage self-reliance. Trust your student’s ability to make his/her own decisions rather than dictating a solution. Allow your student to come to you for advice instead of solving the problem for them.
• Ask questions (but carefully). Parental curiosity can be obnoxious and alienating. Avoid the “nag” or “I have a right to know” questions, and opt for those which encourage independent  decision-making and express support.  These types of questions will do much to aid in your student’s success and your ongoing relationship.
• Listen without judgment. Before responding, allow your student the opportunity to tell you about a situation or to express opinions without judgment.  Doing so will create an environment where your student may feel more open to discussing even the most difficult topics without the fear of mom or dad’s “I told you so” wagging finger.
• Have confidence. Affirm decisions and opinions that are especially reasoned, even though it may be difficult.
• Encourage getting connected. Active involvement with on-campus activities and groups will help your students connect with peers and helpful resources when needed.
• Provide balance. Students may not realize that while their transition may be uncomfortable, it is temporary and they will likely flourish in time.

Your role in the development of your student does not end once he/she enters college. However, it will change significantly. Your student may feel conflicted by their desire for autonomy and their need for familial support, encouragement and guidance.

One of the most difficult experiences for many parents is the short-term decrease in communication. While you may be used to, and expect, feedback from your student on exactly what they are doing and how they are performing, the college transition process may challenge your expectations.

Remember that while your student is facing the challenges of a new phase of life, so are you. Expect that it might be a little rough for you to adjust to the changes too and give yourself permission to feel all the emotions that come when a child goes to college.

Remember to find your own support. Re-connect with friends, interests, hobbies, maybe even your spouse or partner. 

Adopted from the University Parent Guide to Western Michigan University.