Parenting a Successful College Student

Your student, along with about two million others in this country, is about to enter a time that is both exciting and frightening; a time of joy and discovery, but also anxiety and sometimes disappointment.

Students are beginning a period of their lives in which they will change and one day leave the campus as very different people. You are entering this period with your student. You’ll experience the same exhilaration and disappointments as your student – perhaps from a distance – but often as vividly or achingly.

Of course, no one can predict exactly what your student’s first year at college may bring, but here are some suggestions that might help you make it through this first year and strengthen your new relationship.

At best, these suggestions may prepare you to deal effectively with some common first-year experiences. At the least, they will make you think about your reactions to situations you may encounter.

1. Expect Change

In any event, your student will change (either drastically within the first months, slowly over the college years, or somewhere in between). It’s natural, inevitable, and it can be inspiring and beautiful. Often, it is a pain in the neck.

College, and experiences associated with it, can affect changes in social, vocational, and personal behavior. An up-to-now wallflower may become a fraternity sweetheart, a pre-med student may discover a stronger love for drama or literature, or a high school radical may become a college preppy, or vice versa.

You can’t stop change. You may not even understand it, but it is within your power (and to the advantage of both you and your student) to accept it. Remember that your student will remain basically the same person who began school, aside from interest and personality changes.

2. Remember...It Takes Time to Adjust

The first few days and weeks of school tend to be activity-packed and homework-jammed. The challenge of meeting new people and adjusting to new situations takes a majority of a new student’s time and concentration. The transition can be daunting, and some students may have moments where they long for the life they left behind. Do not be surprised if this is the case. Still, most students adapt well to their new environment, and in time they become used to the new “norm.”

3. Ask Questions (but not too many)

New college students are often insecure, but eager to establish their independence and often have a tendency to resent interference with their newfound lifestyles. Students, however, desire the security of knowing that their family is still interested in them.

Parental curiosity can be obnoxious and alienating or relief-giving and supportive, depending on the attitudes of the persons involved.

Questions laced with “I-have-a-right-to-know” feelings, ulterior motives, and nagging should be avoided. However, honest inquiries and other “between friends” communication and discussion will most likely do much to enhance the parent-freshman relationship.

4. Needing Support

Remember that students are adults, and although they sometimes need parents to lean on, they are desperately trying to prove themselves.

Don’t forget to give your student plenty of advance notice about family obligations...they may have papers to write or an exam to study for. College coursework is a lot more than you are used to seeing your student handle!

5. Oh! College is Different from High School All Right...

Understand, your student may have different hours than they had in the past. Many classes require group work and it will often take place in the evening or on weekends.

Help your student establish a supportive study environment. If you don’t see your student studying, ask why.

Know your student’s class schedule and when their exams will take place. You may need to lighten up on their family responsibilities during these times.

Encourage your student to get help at school. There are plenty of services and help in Taylor Hall and on campus to give students that extra academic support.

6. Common Statements Your Student Might Make...

“I hate school”

“I don’t feel a part of campus.”

“I did my homework at school.”

“I don’t like the food.”

“I can’t find a parking space.”

“My professor doesn’t know my name.”

“I am having trouble with class.”

You may hear some of these comments, but if you stay involved, communicate and trust your student, together you and your student will both be successful.

Know that IUPUI faculty, staff, and other students are available to support your student, and this handbook will be a tremendous resource.