Saying Goodbye: Helping your Student Transition Successfully to College - while maintaining your own peace of mind

One of the most emotional moments in the life of the family takes shape in households across the country in late summer to early fall: the time when college-bound students begin to leave home. What does this mean for the parents who remain behind? How can you help your student handle this huge transition and prepare them to be successful when they're so far away?

Parents may find themselves rattling through the eerily quiet house pondering the mementos of a lifetime spent with the new college student. It is certainly normal for parents to grieve over a change of this magnitude. For many parents the grieving starts before the student has left home. This may cause some tense moments between parent and child as both parties attempt to understand the dynamic of this relationship in transition.

Remember that the soon-to-leave student is most likely also saying good-bye to childhood friends - parents are not the only ones struggling to say good bye.

The final days of the summer before the student leaves for college are intense and pressure filled. Taking care of the last of the packing and needed purchases for the dorm room and saying goodbye to the life long friends are big events. This process may overwhelm some students and many parents. Tears and anxiety are certainly to be expected. Recognition of these reactions and family discussions about the practical matters such as financial planning, transportation, orientation and registration will do much to allay these fears.
Parents should celebrate the departure of the college-bound student. A special dinner, party, trip to a favorite place or something with special meaning to the family can do much to reassure the student that the love of the family goes with him or her. Families should enjoy this moment and show the pride in their student's accomplishments and anticipation of the many rewards of the college experience.

While parents often experience empty nest feelings when their child leaves home, it is extremely important to guide your students towards success by helping them with this transition too.

What to do before your student leaves home:

Be prepared. Leaving your child at college can be a very emotional thing. But, let's be honest, you've had 18 years to prepare for this moment. He or she might be miles away. But this is why you are a parent - to let your child spread his or her wings.

Set expectations before you leave. You're hoping your child will have the morals and values you've instilled in them since youth. Before you pack the car and bunk the beds, make sure you have had the talk with your child. Tell them what you expect before you even leave the driveway. Don't expect to have time for heart to heart talks once you arrive at school - getting their belongings into the dorm will be chaotic at best!

Simplify the move. Be organized and prepare in advance. Get the boxes packed early. Review our Ultimate Packing Lists to help maintain some sense of control over this experience - from dorm life, personal needs to studying requirements!

How to act when you drop your child off:
Locate the essential places. At orientation your child became acquainted with the campus buildings; now is the time to locate the places for personal business, e.g., the health center, a local pharmacy for prescriptions, the bank with an ATM.

Think about you want to say. No kid wants to see their mother balling her eyes out in front of their new peers. And no child wants to hear that "life won't be the same at home without you." Your child is going through enough; don't add to the anxiety or emotions with your own. You don't have to say much. A simple "I love you!" or "We're just a phone call away" will give your child the encouragement he or she needs.

Take a second look... (after they've turned away). You should be proud; this is one of your crowning moments as a parent. You're allowed a tear or two.

Keeping in touch. At the end of the day, every parent wants to know their child is safe. This doesn't mean you need a daily check-in from your child. Keep conversations relaxed and comfortable.

Nobody misses the baby because the child is here.
Then no one misses the child because the young person is here.
And likewise, the young person is not missed because the teenager is here.
But when the teenager is no longer there, all are missed.
And only when one realizes that there is no separation in love will the missing disappear.
- Sally Huss, poet and artist