The Parent Transition

Often we hear discussion of “student transition” from high school to college but seldom do we hear of “parent transition.” As a parent, have you given thought to what change might occur within your family unit as a result of someone “missing”? For each child who leaves home to attend college the transition is different; and the transition for the family or individual parent is different for each child.

What might be the relation, emotion or environmental changes?

Not only for you as an individual, but for each individual – including “the one at college”. Will it change who shuttles the other kids, runs errands, make messes, cuts the grass or does the dishes? Will you now have a “guest room” or badly needed bedroom for the next in line? The list could go on and on as there are so many potential small changes in the transition process.

For some, transition will occur easily and naturally; for others it will create pain and difficult times. While we cannot do away with the effects of transition in our lives, we can do much to determine how transition will affect our lives.

• First, we can view transitions as a normal and desirable part of our lives and remember that we grow best with some disruption in our lives.
• Second, we can give ourselves and others permission to be affected (lonely, homesick, unsure, etc.) and be supportive, or seek support from others.
• Third, we can commit ourselves to being sensitive to what the other person is experiencing and provide understanding and support.
• Fourth, we can prepare for the transition to make it easier for everyone.

How do you prepare?

While you cannot totally prepare, you can have positive impact through one simple act: communication. Ask yourself what you most fear losing through a transition. Chances are good that for each person there is fear of isolation, loneliness, emptiness or loss of significance to others. All of these can typically be “made better” by one thing: talking.

Think about making a firm commitment to talk as a family about transition, especially with those who might be experiencing difficulty. Transitions can be enjoyable growing experiences provided we make them so.