Parenting a College Student 101

A young person's entrance into Western begins a significant transitional period for both the student and family members. Parents and students often experience a mix of emotions. Both may feel proud, excited, relieved, and happy and may also experience the more difficult feelings of sadness and worry. Both parents and students face challenges as they navigate this new phase of life. As a parent or guardian, understanding the concerns that students typically have as they enter college can be helpful in supporting them through the process.

Students have to figure out a lot of stuff when they go to college. For those of us whose youth is the (distant?) past we can sometimes forget that being a college student isn't a walk in the park! First year students are leaving behind a familiar and often very comfortable environment. They must cope with the loss of their high school years, friends, family time, and hundreds of little and big changes. Students have to learn how to be a part of a whole new environment and figure out where things are, what the rules are, and how to behave. They confront all kinds of new opportunities to make friends and most have at least some fear that they won't fit in or make connections with their peers. They have to figure out how to manage a lot of different elements: time, money, academics, freedom, and most importantly themselves! Further, they try to figure all this out without your constant presence and active guidance. Even the most together students find the developmental maturation process that happens in the early college years to be stressful. Many students become periodically overwhelmed, especially in the first couple of semesters.

So how can you help? One of the greatest challenges parents and guardians face is how to appropriately support their son or daughter as they enter college. Here are some suggestions from veteran parents:

• Listen to your child and provide supportive encouragement (this usually is accepted better than unsolicited advice)
• Encourage self-reliance (but be a safety-net when things are really rough)
• Praise accomplishments soundly and attempts enthusiastically
• Keep them informed about life back home and family events
• Encourage active involvement with on-campus activities and groups
• Stay connected; email may be a better way to connect with less verbal students than phone calls. By the same token, try to lessen over-reliance by decreasing contact when over-dependency may an issue
• Discuss your expectations for your student before they start college and continue the conversation as they progress
• Help your child connect to resources when needed. They may need urging and assistance locating and accessing counseling, advising, and special services
• Provide balance, students may not realize that while their transition may be uncomfortable, it is temporary and they will likely flourish in time

Remember that while your son or daughter is facing the challenges of a new phase of life, so are you. Expect that it might be a little rough for you to adjust to the changes too and give yourself permission to feel all the emotions that come when a child goes to college. Remember to find your own support. Re-connect with friends, interests, hobbies, maybe even your spouse or partner.